crap, crap, crap.

sometimes it feels like everything is against me. sometimes it feels like everything is going wrong all at once and not even the most enjoyable parts of life can i experience the way that i normally do. the past few weeks have been pretty trying for me, what with a death in the family, mountains of makeup work and now this horrible something that i've caught. sometimes it feels like i can't take one more thing going wrong.

today when i rode the bus home i saw this couple... i never understand why people don't understand this stuff... anyway this couple, both about my age, had their baby on the bus with them. instead of sitting together like a normal couple would do, allowing someone (i.e. me) to sit in the vacant seats, each of them took up two seats a piece. the girl had her feet up all over the seat, almost defying someone to want to sit down. i tried really hard not to glare at her, but, honestly! the bus was nearly full!

and that's not including all the other people on the bus who purposefully sit on the aisle seat so nobody can sit next to them. why is that? i don't like sitting next to strangers either, but i certainly am not going to make them stand so i can have TWO perfectly good seats to myself.

as you may be able to tell, this is an issue which bothers me regularly. this is not even talking about the massive disregard for politeness which my classmates so regularly demonstrate in elevators, in classrooms and even in the cafeteria.

psht. whatever.

anyway, as much as right now i do feel as though i'm barely holding it together, i refuse to be anything less than resilient. yes, i'm sick, but i went to class today. i'll go to work tonight, sick (nobody could cover my shift, c'est la vie) then come home and guzzle down some robitussin then try to get some decent sleep before i get up again tomorrow.

it's hard to recover from major life crises and serious illness when you have literally no days off. yep, you heard me right, i have class mon-thurs, work at doc bombay's thursday and sunday, work at pozole friday and saturday and my internship on friday as well. i like the things i do, but it can feel so overwhelming when i know that ahead of me i have papers, exams, projects and a move in the next two weeks.

ugh.

somehow i know i'll get through it, because that's the least i can do. if nothing else i'll survive.

i try to remind myself that i'm not so unlucky, really. i have all my appendages, i am relatively fit and i'm young, i have a place to sleep at night and food when i'm hungry. most of all, i'm still alive.

but... damn... sometimes it doesn't seem like that's going to be enough to tide me over.

alright. time to pop a lozenge and head into work. yay me!
isadora